Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Not Pregnant: The Movie

Welcome August ICLW folks! For a very quick rundown on my scoop: I am 29, married to Hubs (I need a better name for him on this blog. Stay tuned.) for almost three years, started TTC 15 months ago, and diagnosed with bum ovaries in November 2011. We've tried some stims with no (as in zilch) response in February and May. I'm currently taking daily estrogen to keep symptoms in check (like brain fog, hot flashes, bone loss) and my next move is Donor Eggs... but we're not there yet. So right now, we're trying things to good old fashioned way (i.e. stand on head after sex, cross fingers and pray, etc.).


Last night Hubs asked me if I would mind if wrote a screenplay "loosely based" on our infertility journey. He's not really a writer, so I was quite intrigued. He said he'd call it "Not Pregnant" and it would start with us on a plane to Spain in May 2011, then cut to us seeing some sights and having a grand ol' time in EspaƱa. On our second night in Madrid, we went to "Las Ventas" to see a bullfight, something I didn't care to do but Hubs was pumped about it and wanted to experience true Spanish culture.

Las Ventas, or Madrid's bullfighting ring
The screenplay would show Hubs and I watching the bullfight and me starting to sob uncontrollably at how cruelly the bulls were being treated. It would show everyone around us cheering and screaming, and me (being only a week and a half removed from being a two-year vegetarian) crying quietly, staring into my lap, Hubs trying to console me. We ended up leaving half-way through and went straight to a bar down the street, where we drank a ton of alhambra beer and decided that yes, definitely, we were ready to start trying to get pregnant.

Cue: us falling into bed a la Wedding Crashers' style, having lots of unprotected sex with jamming music in the background.

Cue: Negative test and a shrug. Negative test and a shrug. Negative test and shrug. Negative test and a concerned look. You get the idea.

Hubs told me the screenplay would be a "Dramedy" with some really funny parts and really sad parts. The sad parts would include me getting diagnosed in my OB/GYN's office, going to baby showers, telling family, and completely losing my shit when I came back from a five mile run with what Hubs described last night as a "wild look in my eyes" and a tear-stained sweaty face. They might also include some encounters with friends who have kids being really insensitive and downright rude.

Some of the funny parts would be like when the Resident doctor waved a sack of my period blood around in the air during an appointment, getting several days of diarrhea from the Chinese Herbs I was taking, and maybe trimming my mustache.

There would also be a few cringe-worthy scenes where you're not sure if you should laugh or cry, like when I made a drunken fool of myself at the 4th of July. And Hubs said there'd have to be some uplifting moments too, like when my friend with PCOS gave me the Expect a Miracle necklace or when I completed my first-ever full marathon.

I told Hubs it didn't sound very "loosely" based, but I gave him the go ahead to start writing away. I at least have a good record on hand via this blog of some of my worst and best moments over the past eight months, so maybe I could even help! And there don't seem to be many movies or television shows about infertility, especially when you consider how many people are affected by it! I don't know if it'll go anywhere, but I think it'll be fun, tough, interesting to read and help him.

What do you guys think? Is this a blockbuster waiting to happen (ha!)? What would be key scenes in your infertility movie?


  1. Well, I would watch it. I think it is about time there was a totally realistic film about what infertility is REALLY like. I might have a little sob though.

  2. It would be great to have something that was actually realistic about what it's like to deal with infertility! Maybe hard for me to watch, though. :( my movie, I think key scenes would be deciding to ttc (maybe including a flashback to some pivotal moments in my previous marriage dealing with infertility), deciding to give up, and then deciding not to give up after spending a month helping my family while my father was in the hospital dealing with complications from chemo and cancer. I realize now that sounds totally depressing, but I'd want it to be more Aha!-moment-ish than depressing.


  3. I think it sounds just like what a lot of ladies (and gents) out there really need! Some understanding and a good laugh!

    Happy ICLW!

  4. Hi from ICLW. I would definitely watch it! It would be good to know that it was written by someone who truly understands infertility.

  5. I love it! I would totally see your movie and laugh/cry through the whole thing. My key scenes would involve lots of crying in bathrooms, baked goods, and bad sex. Not that the hubster is less than awesome, but 10 days in a row and cycles upon cycles of BFNs will do that to a couple.

    1. Haha, I know the feeling! I forgot one of the scenes would be us trying to have sex and him saying "It's like trying to put a cooked spaghetti noodle in sandpaper!" hahahaha! That might have been TMI, but I think we're beyond too much sharing on this blog! :)

  6. This is a movie I could go see! Sounds like endless entertainment, tell your Hubs he is brilliant!

    ICLW #41

  7. Love it! I would totally see this movie. A clip from my movie would include a scene showing armed guards escorting female inmates (chains and sweatpants and all) into the same hospital building where my RE is located. Good times.

  8. i think this is a wonderful idea and i would absolutely watch it!!
    My worst moment, well millions upon millions of tears and being told by my diagnosis doc that 'at least you're not male'! Best moment would be having a beer, or several, to celebrate my first smiley OPK! That smiley being the first ever sign i knew of in my period-free life that I ovulate!

  9. It sounds waaayyy better then that Timothy Green movie

  10. Hi from ICLW (#65)! Um, I would totally watch your, I mean, your husband's movie loosely based on your infertility. I would probably cry most of the way through, though, so I wouldn't be watching it in a theater. Maybe straight to DVD?

  11. I agree with Erin... It's already a million times better than Timothy Green. That story ends with people growing a child in their backyard... Does Disney knows something that I don't?

    I'd love to see this movie.

  12. I would go see it! And I would bring lots of kleenex...anyone who is dealing/has dealt with IF would probably be able to relate to so much of it! I don't know what a key scene from ours would be...maybe all of the mascara stains on my husband's t-shirt from me crying on his shoulder month after month! Also, the stress my poor husband went through at the SA appointment. He was so upset. And I got a taste of what it feels like to see your spouse so sad yet not knowing what you can do to make things better. Oh! Also, all of the mornings of trying to take and record my bbt at 5:30am.