Saturday, December 22, 2012

14 Weeks, 1 Day

It was a sleepless night, but we got up early and were able to meet to doctor this morning - she opened up the office just to get us in, so we were super thankful!!

The baby looks completely fine - he was completely upside down and moving his arms and legs. There was a good strong heartbeat. Doc found two Subcortical (??) hemmorhages which can slightly increase the risk for miscarriage but at 14 weeks, I am probably okay. The cervix was nice and closed and the baby looked nice and cozy in the uterus.

I probably overreacted last night with the amount of freaking out and crying that happened. I'm learning quickly that any amount of tears during this pregnancy = wicked headache. And LOTS of tears like last night (or two weeks ago when I stupidly watched the movie "Up") = migraine. In the wake of Sandyhook, there have been lots. and lots. and lots. of headaches in the past week. I can't read one sentence of an article or hear one clip of news about it without losing it.

Thanks so much for the support and positive vibes and prayers. The doc said I can expect several more days of spotting but that as long as I don't have any major cramping (and I haven't had any cramping since yesterday afternoon), and the spotting stays brownish, it can be attributed to the SCH.

Friday, December 21, 2012

14 Weeks & Spotting


Completely out of the blue. After 0.0 days of spotting in the last 13.6 weeks.  I was not especially active today and I didn't have sex within the last few days.  Spotting was dark brown, which I know is better than bright red, but I did have some mild, fleeting "period cramps" today and that's not good.

It's after hours at my clinic, but luckily MY OB is the one on call right now. She said their office isn't open again until THURSDAY. That's SIX DAYS AWAY.  She said I could go to the emergency room tonight or she'd make a special trip to the office tomorrow morning to have a look for me, else I'll freak out for the next week. We decided to wait until tomorrow. We cancelled our plans for tonight and we're just going to lay low.

I am a mess. I know this could be nothing, it could be completely fine and normal. But I am 100% completely on board and in love with this baby. Even the notion that s/he might not get here is sending me into a tailspin. Why did I let Champ talk me out of getting a Doppler? I would feel nine billion times better if we could just find the little heartbeat right now and I knew that the babe is still alive. He argued that if we couldn't find it, things would be even worse and I'm sure that's true.

Please please please please please let this be okay.

I'll keep you posted. Fuck.

Thursday, December 20, 2012

So This Is 30...

Happy Birthday to me!

Here's the poem I had in my inbox from Champ today (some words removed / changed)

There once was a girl born in 1982,
In the shadow of a mountain that smells like poo,
But this girl smelled great,
A Christmas present that couldn’t wait,
Conceived before her parents could say, “I do.”

Jennifer was smart from the start,
A little kid with a big heart,
She knew the alphabet song well,
Knew heaven from hell,
And was the first one to laugh at a fart.

The [lastname] clan was immediately smitten,
Her cuteness was likened to that of a kitten,
Her blond hair and big smile,
Beamed from [streetname] for miles,
In her honor, poems would be written.

Over her siblings she ruled like a queen,
She was bossy, but never really mean,
She loved her bro and sis dearly,
Although she quite clearly,
Broke her brother’s arm in her pre-teens.

She got older and ditched her eye glasses
Plucked her eyebrows and curled her eyelashes,
That cute little Jen,
Turned into a ten,
And boys started calling in masses.

She went to college and met some new buds,
She dated some guys, but they were all duds,
Until one day at the bar,
She saw [Champ] from afar,
And though, “Finally, I’ve found my stud.”

She spent her twenties with [Champ],
She traveled, worked, and [camped],
Planned student activities at [school'sname],
With her co-worker [friend's name],
Sometimes flying to Mexico for [some pamp. ering] (this verse isn't that good with the names changed).

So far her life has been quite fun,
But the adventure’s just begun,
We waited and prayed,
Now a little one’s on the way,
And everyone thinks “Seamus” is a great name for a son.

As she looks back on the 30 years that she’s had,
She should laugh out loud and be glad,
The next 30 might be tough,
I hear childbirth is rough,
But she’ll be a great mother to that lucky lad.

Monday, December 10, 2012

12 Weeks

I can't believe it. We've arrived at the elusive "12 week" mark in this pregnancy. Today officially is 12 weeks, 3 days and I still have to pinch myself to make sure this isn't a dream.

We've told all our family and most of our friends. I told my students (I work at a college) last week and they are fascinated, spending several hours each day suggesting names, asking questions, and staring at my (very small) "bump". We haven't yet spread the news to facebook and I'm not sure we'll do that, ever. I plan on keeping my promises from this entry, posted just one week before I actually got pregnant. I am not a born-again fertile.

If we post anything on fb, the announcement will be accompanied with a "coming out of infertility closet" statement. Half of me thinks "that's nobody's f*cking business" and the other half doesn't want to contribute to this culture of infertility as a taboo subject. So that's where I am with that.

My "symptoms" are waning, big time. I've kicked the nausea almost completely. Food aversions are mostly gone (hello chocolate and Mexican food! I didn't even know I missed you until now). I'm still tired and my boobs can't be contained, but I am feeling pretty good. My dreams are CUH-RAZY. And super intense. There was that one where Champ had been plotting my murder since before we got married; that dream ended with him chasing me down the street with a knife in his hand. Then one a couple night ago during which I was babysitting my niece and a series of random events culminated with me taking a bite out of a live earthworm. Then the one where I was drunk and trying to explain to a co-worker how to properly taste wine. "Mary. There are five steps, and each of the steps starts with 'M'. Step one. Mint. Does it taste minty? <<erupt into giggles>> Maybe they don't all start with 'M'." I also dreamt that I named my baby girl "Phillipa." I woke up in a panic.

I'm enjoying the crazy dreams. I'm trying to write them down so I don't forget them all. In fact, I'm keeping a journal to document all of my regular happenings while pregnant, which might explain why I've been so bad about posting on here. I've started "bump" pictures a few weeks ago, but I don't think I'm going to post them on here. Ya'll see enough of that IRL I'm sure!

UPDATE: Also - I turned down the job. It felt too risky to make such a big change when I feel comfortable and safe and supported in my current job. The benefits, too, were waaaaay worse at that new job. I'm actually feeling a little more appreciative of my career in higher education after seeing how expensive insurance is in the private sector!

Monday, December 3, 2012

100th Post!

You guys! It's my 100th post! 

Sorry I've been MIA lately - I was hoping to find time to write something reflective and profound for my 100th post but alas, all you guys are going to get is verification that I am still alive and a few quick updates regarding the little guy in my uterus. 

I had my first prenatal appointment with my new OB today - she was fantastic, but we had to wait an hour just to see her, than another half-hour after I undressed for the ultrasound. We were there for two hours and fifteen minutes when all was said and done. I was seriously agitated, especially as I was laying mostly naked with an open-in-the-front hospital gown, waiting to make sure my baby is still alive. 

But the good news is, he (or she) IS still alive! The babe looks SO much bigger, with a clearly defined head and little nose and arms and everything. At one point, he had his hand on his face in a very "woe is me" fashion. It was amazing. He measured at 11 weeks on the nose, although according to my RE's previous measurements, I should be at 11 weeks 3 days. I think it's a pretty inexact science, so I'm going to continue believing that my big 12 week mark will be hit this Friday. I've already noticed my nausea is starting to feel better too, being less frequent and less severe than it's been. And I'm still pretty tired, but definitely feeling a little more energy also. 

I have more good news, in that I was offered a new job today! At a new company, getting out of the higher education field. It's only a little bit more money and the benefits don't seem to be as good (and they're more expensive), but it's going to be a tough decision on whether or not to take it. A few months ago, I felt completely stagnant in all facets of my life. I knew something had to change, whether that be moving out of town, getting a new job, or getting pregnant (or some combination of the three). Now that I'm pregnant, I feel way less compelled to move forward on the job front. I'm very comfortable where I am, very supported, and I have a good reputation. It would be so much work to start over at a new company while at the same time getting more and more pregnant, preparing for this huge, life-altering change. AND there's the maternity leave. At my current job, I've been promised 12 weeks - 6 paid, 6 unpaid (which is the max through FMLA). However, FMLA only kicks in when you've been at a company for a year or longer. 

So I have quite the dilemma in front of me. Such a different dilemma than I pictured a few months ago when I applied for this job. I'll have to let you all know what I decide. 

One last thing - I've been a terrible commenter lately. I've been reading along as usual, but mostly from my iPad instead of my computer (because I'm in bed all. the. time.) and it's a super pain to comment with the iPad. I'll try to be better about it!