A: Well, since nobody in the family or any of our friends were doing anything, we decided last-minute to host a cookout at our house, with cornhole in the backyard and a kiddie pool on the deck.
Q: It was pretty hot out, no?
A: Pretty effin' hot. It was a scorcher.
Q: Did you hydrate yourself with an exorbitant amount of beer and margaritas?
A: Why yes, I did do that. I got quite tipsy, actually.
Q: Tipsy?
A: Okay, you got me. I was feeling no pain.
Q: And tell me, was your sister-in-law there? The one you're so worried about getting pregnant?
A: Erm... yes.
Q: Did you drunkenly behave passive aggressively around her, maybe commenting a little biznatchy-like about her only drinking water or juice?
A: ....maybe a couple of times....
Q: And after she and your brother left the party, did you spend the next hour having a complete sob-fest with your mom and two single friends?
A: That may have happened.
Q: Tell me, Jen. How terrible did you feel the next day when your brother called to tell you how you had hurt his wife's feelings?
A: I have to say, it was not good. Not good one bit. I felt pretty embarrassed. And sorry. And ashamed of myself for losing control and being a biznatch.
****************************
So. That happened.
I really felt AWFUL for how I treated my SIL and also EXTREMELY EMBARRASSED. Ugh. I hate that feeling after a long night of drinking when you wake up and you're like, "Oh shit. What did I do?" It's a sinking feeling of dread and there is no cure for it, except to apologize and beg for forgiveness.
So I e-mailed my SIL and apologized profusely and begged for forgiveness. I told her that infertility sucks, but I should never have been rude and taken out my frustrations on her. I also explained that I have perhaps been distancing myself from her and my brother for the past few months, kind of bracing myself for when the news comes. I tried to explain that I WILL BE HAPPY FOR THEM. (And I really will). But that it will also suck and be really hard for me.
She wrote back a very gracious e-mail accepting my apology and saying that she has wanted to be there for me for the past few months and just hasn't known how. She has started several long e-mails trying to comfort me but never got up the nerve.
A few e-mails back and forth between the two of us later, and I think we're in a much better place than we were before the drunken debauchery of last week. It feels like there will be a little bit less of an elephant in the room around her and my brother from here out.
And my brother informed me that they're not pregnant. They're not even trying right now, although they will at some point. And he said he'd give me a heads up so I can prepare myself.
IF is shitty, but I'm lucky to have people around who will forgive me when I'm a total asshat and who will do what they can to support me.
We can all be an asshat now and then (I just love that word). When my friend got pregnant I basically avoided her for months, so I have definitely been there! I'm glad at least you worked it out and hopefully in the end it will end up being a good thing
ReplyDeleteI know you feel awful about it, but I think it turned out to be a good thing that it happened because it opened the lines of communication with your brother and sil about the things that have been worrying you. They sound like lovely, caring people. I'm glad you got things sorted out.
ReplyDeleteWe all get a little envious of others who can and do conceive easily. Makes you wonder .... WTF!!! My SIL is due with her first child in late August. She said, "It took us a long time to conceive. It wasn't an easy seven months." I lost it. I laughed. I reminder her of my struggle. Some people get it and some don't. But don't feel bad for getting down. It's all part of the process and grieving for something we infertiles struggle with. I'm sure you've heard plenty of stories, but a close friend with crap ovaries adopted and then conceived naturally. Funny how things work out. Hang in there.
ReplyDeleteOh dear! Yes I have been here and am always scared of going there again! I am pretty good at knowing when I am going to be an emotional ass or not and thus avoid all booze but sometimes you just get surprised by it. At least you are talking about it now and he will give you a heads up :)
ReplyDeleteI am totally terrified my husbands 24 yo niece who graduated vet tech school with 70 k in debt,has had 4 jobs in the last year, still lives with her fiancé in her crazy mothers house will get pregnant before us. She just told my MIL she's going off all BC besides condoms. Ack I never felt this way with any of my sisters or friends. What is wrong with me? What if she gives my mil a great grandchild before we can even have one?
ReplyDelete