Welcome August ICLW!

Welcome ICLW peeps!

Sidenote: At first I typed "Welcome ICLW poops" and had a good chuckle.

My story, in brief: I was diagnosed with Premature Ovarian Failure in November 2011 and have been TTC for about 14 months. Prognosis: Not so good. We tried a few rounds of stims in the winter / spring (letrozole, menopur) and had no follicles at all. Currently taking daily hormone replacement therapy to manage symptoms (i.e. hot flashes, night sweats, brain fog, possible bone loss) and trying to figure out what to do next, while also trying to keep develop for the first time a healthy way of dealing with the grief of IF.

Was this the longest week ever or was that just me? I feel just like my cat Henry does in this picture: 

Is there anything cuter than this little guy?

I've been super irritable lately at work. The Physical Facilities lady who cleans my building came by yesterday to tell me she got a stain out of the wallpaper and it literally took twenty minutes. I tried to think how she must be lonely and not have many people to talk to or be mentally stimulated during her job, but all I could think was "Stop talking. Please stop.  Stop it now. Shut. the. *@#$. up." I mean, I could feel my blood pressure rising. This is only one instance of too many to type.

This can't continue, because come August 20, my job will include at least six hours a day of daily conversing with college students. Mostly listening, because they haven't learned appropriate turn-taking skills in conversation yet, which is fine because I am not likely to spill any personal details about my life to them. I can imagine, however, that being irritated for that many hours a day might take a toll on my enjoyment of a day's work.

I used to LOVE my job. But the past year of infertility has shifted something inside of me. I don't find joy in lots of things I used to. It doesn't help that I spent four months of this year in a total brain fog. I look back on December through March as "lost time." Truly, my head was not in the game of life. It went way beyond being a little forgetful and absent-minded. I remember telling my husband that I didn't feel like I was experiencing anything in the moment. It was like I was removed from the present. Okay, it's obviously hard to explain. But I was so worried this year about not screwing up basic tasks at work that I think I forgot how to be excited or passionate about it. And though the daily HRT has helped IMMENSELY with the brain fog since March, I haven't been able to recapture that spark I used to have with the job.

I'm a little encouraged because Hubs and I have a back up plan to move far far away next summer if we're still not knocked up. So in a year, I'll either be pregnant or at least looking to find a new job and new city. There's some promise there.

Enough about me. If you're just stopping by from ICWL, introduce yourself! How adorbs is my cat? Is anyone else feeling blah and irritable lately?