I knew it was a matter of time, but we got the call today. My sister in law is pregnant with #2.
Her husband called Champ at work today and just blurted it out. I appreciate that. It wasn't a big announcement, it was over the phone, and I didn't have to hear it with my own ears to try and fumble out and appropriate response. You know, one that didn't involve me bursting into tears or making a comment like "must be real effin' nice."
When I got home, Champ was waiting for me with an uneasy look on his face. "I got some news today... got a call from Andy...."
I said it before he could get it out. "She's pregnant." What else could it be?
After confirming that yes, she's 8 1/2 weeks pregnant, Champ kept searching my eyes - waiting for me to lose it. But I didn't lose it, proof positive that therapy works. This news three months ago would have shattered me. But I am getting stronger. I'm learning that another woman's pregnancy doesn't take anything away from me.
Am I jealous? Um, yeah. Am I happy for them? I'm trying. I love my niece to pieces and I know I'll love this new baby as well. And they're wonderful parents. Good people. I'm sure they agonized over how and when to tell us the news (we are the first people they've told).
But man. There is something about hearing a pregnancy announcement, especially from someone close to me, that leaves me feeling pretty freaken sorry for myself. It's a "Why not me?" "What did she do to deserve two babies??" and "fuck everything and everyone!" reaction. How nice it must be to decide to try for a baby and then actually get pregnant.
It's actually good timing at least. Leaving for Mexico in two days is definitely easing the pain a little bit!
You are a saint.
ReplyDeleteFreaking fertiles.
Therapy is magic. I must try.
ReplyDeleteBaby number 2 stings so much more than baby number one. Have fun in Mexico ! Olé!!!
ReplyDeletewow, your therapy does sound like magic. I would love to be 100% excited for all the many knocked up people around me, but I really can't muster it all (or any) of the time...
ReplyDeleteIt's effing unfair isn't it... :( (((HUGS))) to you for taking the news like a champ. I don't think I would have reacted as well. I think there would be a hole in the wall or someone might get punched.
ReplyDeleteTreat yourself to a glass of wine and relax this weekend.
Well done on taking the news so well. I'd be a complete disaster, I'm sure. (And I think it's ok to crumble over news like that, so I hope you won't beat yourself up if that happens.)
ReplyDeleteHave a fab time in Mexico. You deserve it!
I don't think I'll ever be able to be crazy exited about someones natural pregnancy - after all we've been through. I still remember the day my best friend (who didn't really want children at the time, mind you) came over and said she was pregnant. On their first attempt. Bryan and I hadn't even been formally diagnosed yet but we'd already been trying for 18 months. All I could think was "seriously?!?" It felt like some kind of mean, karmic joke.
ReplyDeleteENJOY Mexico!! You both deserve it!
I hear ya...I've gotten a bunch of pregnancy announcements in the past few weeks. UGH! I may need to try out this therapy that you speak of. I've been putting it off but I think it's time.
ReplyDeleteHave a FANTASTIC holiday in Mexico!