Tuesday, September 25, 2012

A Dream About a Boy

I had the most vivid, lovely tear-inducing dream last night. It was one of those dreams that doesn't have a plot line or crazy twists and turns. It wasn't even very long or involved. But it is sticking with me today. I can't stop thinking about it.

Champ and I were at the beach on vacation. We were playing with a little boy - presumably our son - in the sand. He was probably two years old, but I could only see the back of his head, as he was facing Champ. It started to rain, so we picked up our stuff and started heading inside, the boy toddling in front of us, leading the way. Champ and I held hands until the boy, unsteady on the sand, lost his footing. He didn't fall, but Champ scooped him up and carried him the last few steps to the concrete. It was so natural, such an easy, normal situation. I felt blissfully happy.

As the alarm clock went off at 6:30 this morning, I realized right away it was a dream. I hit snooze and tried to bury myself back in it, to recreate that feeling of contentment. Instead I just felt sad. Not only is that little guy from my dream very much not my son, but he's also very much an improbability. I may never meet him. And the overwhelming feeling of regret and sorrow that takes over when I think about it is almost worth not having dreams like that. Almost.


12 comments:

  1. That sounds delicious.

    Not to get too new agey on you but I'm choosing to believe the dream was prophetic (they say the weird, realistic, vivid ones without too much plot are).

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    1. That exact thought crossed my mind!

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  2. I've had dreams like that too...we have to believe that one day it will be REALITY! Thinking of you!

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  3. Oh the dreams...I love the dreams. They feel so real!!! I do believe that it will someday be.

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    1. I loved this one, too... hard to wake up from it, but it was pretty awesome while I had it!

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  4. What a beautiful dream...I'm a firm believer in certain dreams coming true. Praying for you that this is one of them.

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  5. Oh Jen, this broke my heart a little bit. I totally understand, what a beautiful dream indeed. I once had one where I was sitting with my baby boy on my lap while my best friend had a (boy) roughly 6/7 running around with another toddler on her lap. This was before her son was born...I too have to believe this was, like I hope yours is, prophetic :)

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  6. I HATE dreams like that... the feelings are just so strong that you feel like it was real when you wake up. I think you're definitely going to meet that little boy some day and when that moment happens in real life - you're going to realize that you knew it all along.

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  7. This made me so sad but so hopeful for you! I hope this is prophetic. I always imagine we'd have a boy, but I think that's because I would want a our kid to have as much of my husband about him as possible. I'm grateful I've never dreamt about having kids since we started TTC, although I used to lots before.

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    1. I always wanted a girl first but I think I've been changing my mind. Obviously, I'd be happy with any child, but I'd love love LOVE to have a little boy!

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  8. What a beautiful dream! You are so lucky and I'm sure it will come true for you!

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