Mother's Day Survived

I survived Mother's Day with relative ease. It hadn't dawned on me to be depressed about Mother's Day until late last week, but I decided to go into the day as a daughter, not as a "non-Mother." So I celebrated my own mother, and we also celebrated my little cousin's 1st Communion.

I was a little nervous about my family slipping and accidentally saying "Happy Mother's Day" to me, which sounds weird. We have a tendency to automatically reply to "Happy [insert birthday, anniversary, holiday here] by immediately repeating it back to the person with a high pitched "TO YOU!" at the end. So on my sister's birthday, for example, I'll say "Happy Birthday!" and she'll say "Happy Birthday TO YOU!" even though my birthday is nowhere near hers. It's just a thing we do. So I had mentally prepared myself to shrug off some accidental "Happy Mothers Day TO YOU!" comments. However, my fam must have powwowed before I arrived at lunch and there were no slip ups. I appreciated it.

We ate lunch as a family (although Hubs was out of town for a Bachelor Party) and then drove across town to my cousin's 1st Communion together. Lots of family time yesterday. My cousin's Mom, Kelly (who is only a few years older than me), went through five years of infertility before finally getting pregnant with my cousin through IVF. Then she went on to have three more babies over the next six years, all completely naturally. She's recently started reaching out to me to talk about my IF situation and yesterday she pulled me aside to give me a charm of St. Girard, the patron saint of fertility/motherhood, and a prayer book that helped get her her five year struggle. The book was a gift from her friend and the charm was passed down from my Great Aunt, who was uber Catholic and helped raise my dad (his mother died when he was three). It meant so much and I immediately added the charm to my Expect a Miracle necklace.

I had a dream Saturday night that my brother and his wife announced they were pregnant. In the dream, I yelled "NO!" and burst into tears. Note to self: prepare a better response than that if the time comes. Also, I somehow need to get the message to them that I would really really like them to tell me privately instead of announcing it in a big fun surprise way in front of a bunch of people when they get pregnant. I would not handle that situation well.

So I thought I'd save the worst news for last. Went to the RE this morning and my ultrasound showed not a single follicle on either ovary. The Menopur does not appear to be working. I go back on Friday to make sure. I had three sobbing fits on the drive from the RE's office to work and I'm trying to keep my cool here at work.

Thanks for the support after my whiny post on Friday. You guys are the best.