I just had a minor panic attack when I realized that the bloggers I subscribe to on Google Reader can also see my blog if they click on my profile. This is a problem because I read several blogs of people I KNOW and who KNOW ME (in real life!), but who don't know that I have Premature Ovarian Failure. Or a blog about it. And I haven't yet made the jump to "go public" with this information (both the POF and the blog about it).
Hence I just went through my Google feed and unsubscribed to all the (non-fertility-related) blogs of people I know. It's kind of a bummer, isn't it? Especially given the whole point of IComLeavWe - building a community and starting a conversation and providing support.
Here's the problem. I don't know if I want everyone and their mother to know I have a blog about POF and infertility. I don't even know if I want my own mother to know about the blog. So far, only Hubs knows, and it was a struggle to tell even him (and I waited a full month after starting it. And I made him promise not to read it). This is weird because I am a chronic over-sharer. I am not typically shy about embarrassing or uncomfortable stories.
But I have some strong reservations about letting other people know about this. On the one hand, it might really help people who care about me understand what's going on in my head. I know sometimes people get afraid to ask me how the baby-making is going because a) it's always kind of awkward to ask about that and b) people don't want to make me feel uncomfortable or sick of talking about it. And I do, on occasion, get sick of repeating over and over that no, the drugs didn't work, and yes, my ovaries are still broken, and no. I'm. not. pregnant. still. Going public (or even semi-public, like just sharing with close friends and family), would allow people to know what's going on without having to ask.
On the other hand (the winning hand, at this point), I am afraid that if I let people in I'll have to censor myself. Will I be able to bitch and moan about ignorant stuff people say? Will I have to put on a pretend happy face so people won't worry about me?
I've already felt like I've lost a little bit of myself in the past year, through the total and utter preoccupation of my mind with all things fertility. I want this blog to be about my honest journey. It's my place to really sort out what I'm thinking and feeling without fear of being a drag on a conversation with friends or being a burden to the people who know my story. I also like sharing with people who are also struggling with fertility and can commiserate, or with people who have been where I am and moved on, but can offer advice.
So, new friends - what is your policy on going public? What are the pros and cons as you see it? If you've gone public with your blog, who'd you tell? Any regrets?