Monday, March 19, 2012

A $2 Bill and a Four Leaf Clover

It's time to tell the story of a $2 bill and a four leaf clover and why these two things have invigorated my faith. 

When Hubs and I decided to have a baby, it didn't occur to me to be nervous about my ability to conceive until a couple of months later (no period + hot flashes = not normal?). But eventually I started to worry and I had a very private one-way conversation with God. I'm not a very religious person (I typically make it to church about once a month... sometimes more, sometimes less), but I have been known to have little chats with God on occasion.

The conversation went something like this: 

Jen: Hey God, how's it going?
God: ....
Jen: I'm thinking about this whole having-a-baby thing. And I'm sure everything's FINE, but in case it isn't, could you please give me a heads up? I'd like to know if this whole conception thing is going to be easy or hard.
God: ....
Jen: Okay, so if that works for you, I'm going to go ahead and make up some symbols so you can send me this message without having to part the heavens or something crazy. Let's go with this: if I'm good to go and I'm just being silly for no reason, show me a four leaf clover. That means I've got nothing to worry about. If maybe this won't be as easy as pie and I've got a long road in front me, how about show me a $2 bill? That means there is a reason to freak out. Sound good?
God: ....
Jen: K, great! No rush on that stuff, I'll just keep my eyes open and we'll see how things go! K thanks, bye!


I chose those symbols because they were the first two things that popped into my head. I figured that statistically, it was WAY more likely to see a four leaf clover. I hadn't seen a $2 bill in years. YEARS! Like SEVERAL YEARS! And it's not like I see four leaf clovers regularly or anything, but they pop up every so often, especially being an avid outdoor runner who stretches in the grass. And summer was still mostly in front of me. Chances were decent that a four leaf clover was just around the corner (and I looked for it all the time).

So then some time passed. I kept that little chat with God ENTIRELY to myself. Didn't even tell the hubs. July passed. August passed. September happened. And then in late September, the ball dropped. 

My husband's dad had just come in town for one reason or another and had brought over a minivan full of boxes from Hubs' childhood. It was all of his old school papers and yearbooks and toys and baseball cards and stuff like that. Over the next couple of weeks, Hubs spent hours in the basement going through these boxes - weeding out what he wanted to keep and what could be trashed. I thought absolutely nothing of it, until one night when Hubs came upstairs claiming we were rich, proudly waving FIVE $2 bills he had found in one of the boxes. Yes, FIVE.

My heart absolutely sank. I chastised him (unfairly) for showing me those bills and then I explained to him what it meant. He shrugged it off and told me I was being ridiculous. 

I half-believed him. I mean, can God really be bothered with me asking for a fertility sign? But the other half of me started to freak the hell out. Because seriously, what are the odds that Hubs' Dad would bring over those boxes at the right time, and that Hubs would have saved these $2 bills for the past 20 some-odd years and that they would resurface just a few months after I asked God to show me a $2 bill if I had a problem?

THE VERY NEXT DAY (ahh, the plot thickens), I spotted a four leaf clover in my front yard, exactly where I start and end at least 50% of my runs. I plucked it right up and put it inside a heavy book as soon as I got inside. 

THE DAY AFTER THAT, walking to my car from my office, I spotted another four leaf clover. And another. And another. And another. I kid you not, I stumbled across a humongous patch of four leaf clover after four leaf clover. It was actually hard NOT to spot them in this little patch of grass/clover. I even spotted several FIVE leaf clovers, which wasn't part of the deal, but still! 

This isn't even all of them!!!
An elusive five leaf clover
So the question: what did this mean? Was this God's way of telling me that yes, the road ahead will be long. It will not be easy. But there is an end in sight. ?? Was the five leaf clover sighting actually a new message altogether (I heard they might actually be bad luck)? Was it all just some crazy coincidence?  

It wasn't long after that that I decided to see my OBGYN to see what the deal was. And a week after that appointment, I got my diagnosis of Premature Ovarian Failure. 

Since that diagnosis, my relationship with God has been a bit tumultuous. I have been angry and frustrated and disappointed. I've only been back to church twice. But as angry as I have been with God, I am also thankful for these two little signs. They remind me that I'm not alone. That maybe God has a plan and knows what He's doing with me after all. He's still there for me, even when it feels like I've been completely abandoned.

I know this might all come off as a little crazy, or maybe even hokey. I don't think God arranged it so that these $2 bills found their way to me, or sprouted these four and five leaf clovers just for me (although maybe...?). But I think maybe He nudged me to ask the right question at the right time. That He popped those symbols into my mind because He could see what was coming. Either way, I think it's pretty daggone weird to be just a coincidence. And God has a history of answering these questions for me in the past (remind me sometime to tell the story about "Hero" and "I Got You Babe." Crazy!). 

I currently have another chat in the works, but I'm not going to share it until I hear back from God. I don't want to jinx it. 

So has anything like this ever happened to you? What do you think those five-leaf clovers have to do with anything? Does that throw a wrench in the message? 


  1. I can completely relate! I have been asking for a sign that this IUI will be a success and then I stumbled upon a website for a support group for mothers of multiples. I've decided that it is my sign!

    Happy ICLW!!

  2. I'm not even sure I believe in God but I definitely believe in signs. I think it's great the clovers outnumber the bills.

    Hi from ICLW!

  3. Here from ICLW. I wish I had a sign, and I can sure relate to the being angry at God thing.