Wednesday, April 4, 2012

Friends with Babies

A couple of co-workers were in my office today around lunchtime. Both have recently had babies. Both know about my IF. Let's call these gals Kay & Emily. The three of us were chatting when Kay's phone rang. She picked it up - it was her mom, with her eight month old goo-gooing into the phone. Aw, cute. She hangs up... we move on. I thought.

Emily starts crying. She just came back from her 12 week maternity leave a couple of weeks ago. She misses her baby boy at home. She tells me how hard it is to come back to work.

Am I a total biz-natch for wanting to throw a temper tantrum right then and there? I felt panicked, trapped, and uncomfortable. I almost asked her to leave, crying or not crying.

Look, I get that everyone is fighting their own battle. I'm sure Emily is hurting right now. I would want to stay home with my baby too... IF I EVER HAVE ONE. It's very difficult to find compassion in these situations. I CANNOT bring myself to console someone about having to work while her baby is at home.

I know she wasn't thinking about how I might feel about it. But I wish she would save those moments of pregnancy/baby/etc. complaints/breakdowns for someone else. Because it's not doing much for our friendship right now.


  1. Ack - those moments are so hard! And you are not a biz-natch for wanting to throw a tantrum. It sounds like you handled it gracefully which shows how kind and strong you are:) You can't help the way you feel (and there's no need to feel bad about feelings, negative or positive)! I wish that people were more aware of what they say in front of who. I mean, I try not to talk about how awesome being married is in front of my single friends who are unlucky in seems like common sense to care for my friends by filtering myself when certain topics are unnecessary, you know?

  2. I totally understand your frustration and feel your pain! I have to sit opposite a woman at work who is simply dreadful: she goes on and on, daily, about how she "got pregnant on honeymone without even trying!" and then moans and moans about how difficult it is having children, how tiring, what hard work, how you never get any time to yourself and how she would "love to have quiet weekends" like I do! I spend most days growling at her internally! What she doesn't know is a 'quiet weekend' for me means plenty of time for reflection on what I don't have, my absent uterus and just what I would give to have children 'climbing on my head at 3am' like she does!

    1. I don't know how you don't punch that lady in the face! That sounds miserable!

    2. Believe me, I've come close!!