Except for the fear. Fear of not ever getting pregnant has quickly morphed into fear of not staying pregnant. I am obsessively monitoring my symptoms, starting to fret if too many hours go by without the sick, nauseous feeling with which I've become quite familiar with in the past two weeks or if I don't feel as tired as I think I should.
For a few days, Champ and I were trying to temper our expectations and hope. It's so early. So much can go wrong. We kept saying things like "if this all works out" and "assuming nothing goes wrong," in an effort to soften the blow should a miscarriage be in our future. But I decided last night to throw those phrases out the window. Because I know now that there is no softening of that kind of blow. I would be completely gutted, regardless of whether or not I prepared myself for the worst. So positive thinking, here we come!
I am still concerned about the timing. And the beta number. I inserted my chart into Fertility Friend (which I've never used before) and it confirmed that Ovulation was on October 4. Which would have put me at 5 weeks and 1 day last Friday, and I measured 5 weeks, 6 days. Five days ahead? I've heard of measuring ahead later on in a pregnancy but 5 days ahead this early? Thoughts? Could an early implantation affect that? And the Beta - 34,000 at 4 weeks, 6 days (or 5 weeks 3 days, depending on your perspective) seems really high. But there was definitely one heartbeat. I feel like I know nothing about anything of this. I'm thinking I'm glad to be on the upper end of these numbers rather than the other way around, but I just want to be normal.
Friday can't get here soon enough. I'm anxious to get some numbers for comparison sake. One snapshot is not as helpful as knowing the direction we're headed!
Betas vary WIDELY. They are a guide, not a rule. I have also heard that measuring an embryo as young as 5 weeks any days is an inexact science. When I was pregnant my first ultra sound measured at 5 weeks 6 days. The NEXT DAY it measured at 6 weeks 3 days. No way did it grow four days worth in a 24 hour period. Just a variation between the way the machine read it and the embryo was positioned. I doubt any of this helps ease your mind - this is a CRAZY wait no matter what we do or say. Know I'm thinking all kinds of positive things for the contents of your uterus and am here if you need anything at all - I'm only a phone call or a quick car ride away. xoxo
ReplyDeleteCan't imagine how hard this is for you. Positive vibes your way
ReplyDeleteGiven the odds you beat to get where you are right now, it's no wonder you are terrified and plagued by that need to temper your hopes. I felt the same fear in the beginning, and it's so hard not to question everything. Most likely, though, the simplest explanations are the truth- you O'd on or around the 4th and are right on track around 51/2 weeks now. I am thinking about you every day and can't wait until you are at the point when you can breath easier.. And truly embrace your pregnancy. But I know this part -the waiting- is so hard.
ReplyDeleteSending hugs your way!
Yes such a terrifying time. It is do easy to compare and obsess. I don't think your beta is too high. The range is huge at that many weeks. I'm obsessing too. I keep trying to just enjoy but it is really hard! But it looks like us POF girls will be delivering around the same time!! Beta was 2744 at 13 days post 5 day transfer!! I don't regret for a second using a donor, but I know that was something you struggled with, so I am just so completely thrilled that this happened for you the way you wanted. You and champ will be great parents and this baby is going to be so loved. Enjoy!
ReplyDeleteI know your fear. Sending lots of positive thoughts into the Universe!
ReplyDeleteKnow that you're in my thoughts and I'm hoping for a healthy baby. Try not to look too much into the measurements. It's not an exact science and you definitely could have experienced an early implantation. This is very exciting and I hope to hear some good news after your next scan!!! Hugs!
ReplyDeleteI can feel your fear, every women faces it, have a counselling with the good doctor, so that you can overcome your fear.
ReplyDeletePregnancy Week by Week
I hear you with the fear that creeps in...I'm 7w3d today and my next u/s appointment (Nov. 7th) cannot come fast enough. I desperately need it to confirm that everything is ok.
ReplyDeleteTry and stay positive, I think it's still a little super baby, younger or not, sky diver or not! ;)
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