Intuition

Number of medications my RE has prescribed for me: 6
Number of dollars I've spend on said medications (out of pocket): $1,614.79
Number of prescribed medications I've actually taken: 1

It seems like every time I go to my Reproductive Endocrinologist, I come home with another prescription. At first it was Clomid, with instructions to wait until my bloodwork came back. Blood work sucked. No dice.

Then it was Menopur, prescribed after an annovulatory cycle to stimulate the ovaries... but I was told to wait first for blood work results. The doctor didn't listen to / believe me that the cycle was annovulatory and said I should get the meds while I was in this "window of opportunity." I had a bad feeling about it, but decided to go for it and paid 1500 big ones for it (desperation). Lo and behold: blood work sucked. Again, no dice. $1500 down the drain (although, there's a chance I could use it in the next year before it expired... should have listened to my gut feeling and NOT GOTTEN IT).

More recently, the doc gave me Hormone Replacement Therapy in the form of 1 mg of Estradiol every day and then 12 days of progesterone every other month to "control my symptoms". I filled the prescription but decided something didn't feel right about it. My biggest symptom was the hot flashes and those have been under control for months. Bone loss is another issue, but I am a very active runner and cross trainer, so I felt like the HRT could wait a while. Also, I like being able to "read" my body and I was worried that HRT would take that away from me. Not too mention risky side effects I could avoid by staying off the meds.

Last week, the doctor gave me two prescriptions - one for Birth Control Pills and one for Ovadrill. He said he'd let me know later that day which one to fill, after my blood work came back. Blood work DIDN'T SUCK! So I filled the Ovadrill, per his instructions, and for the first time in almost more than four months, I have actually taken a medication meant to improve my chances for conceiving! FINALLY!

I have had approximately zero experience being my own advocate for my health until this Ovarian Failure diagnosis. In the past, the doctor would tell me what to do and I would do it. But something is so different about infertility. It's not just my health I care about. And I think especially with POF, there is so little research, so little known about how to optimize chances, it's difficult to trust the doctors like I used to. Even the Ovadrill I just injected into my stomach a few days ago lists on the instructions that Ovadrill is not for patients who have Primary Ovarian Failure (because nothing helps with POF). The doc says I'm in intermittent ovarian failure, so I decided to go for it.

My point is this: I'm beginning to trust my intuition. The doc told me in several appointments that it's actually good I didn't start the HRT he prescribed, because we could see that my body was able to produce follicles without the hormonal help. If I had trusted my intuition instead of the doctor, I wouldn't have dropped 1,500 bones on a medication I probably will never use. I'm hoping that my intuition about the Ovadrill is also correct - not that it will WORK, per se, but that it at least won't hurt my chances in any way. The most likely outcome is that I'll start my period in a week and a half and at least then I can get moving with a new cycle. This one has officially gotten old, at nearly 60 days without a period.

I'm making it a point now to absolutely make sure my voice is heard with my doctor and to make sure that any treatments for me are treatments we BOTH support and are what I feel comfortable with. I wish I'd been trusting my intuition all along. But here's to making it count as I move forward.

Side note: My uterus (maybe?) has been twitching today. Like an eye twitch, but down in the general uterine area. Any idea if that means anything?