The Birth Story

Perfect? Yes. 

I'm not sure how interesting my birth story is, but I know I'll want to remember every detail and thus this is as good a place as any to record it!

The story begins on Friday, June 21: my actual due date! I was feeling uncomfortable and tired and VERY ready for our little miss to make an entrance when I went to my scheduled doctor's appointment that morning at 10 am.  The doctor had been doing non-stress tests twice a week and also checking fluid with an ultrasound once a week, so I settled in for a 20 minute non-stress test and also let the doc know that I'd been feeling the baby kick much less frequently in the previous few days. After the 20 minutes were up, the doctor came in and said the baby wasn't passing the test. She wanted me to stay on a little longer. Another 20 minutes goes by, but at some point early on, the machine had run out of paper, so the results were inconclusive. Another 20 minutes goes by, and doc says baby girl still isn't passing the test. She also mentioned that I was having steady contractions at about 4 to 5 minutes apart (which I was feeling, but didn't think they were "real").  I was starting to panic a little about baby's safety at that point, but a quick ultrasound showed a steady heartbeat. I thought steady would be good, but apparently they like to see the heart rate go up and down several times and baby girl's heart rate was not cooperating.

At that point, the doc says she wants me to head to the hospital for a prolonged non-stress test in triage. She suggested I go home, grab my hospital bag in case I needed to be induced, and eat a quick lunch before going in, but that I probably would be induced the next day or early the following week if I hadn't started early labor at that point.

I called Champ and he met me at home. We finished packing our bags and ate lunch, then went into our hospital's triage around 2 pm, where they did another non-stress test and also checked to see if I was dilated. Baby still wasn't passing the test and I was about 1 cm dilated. They called my doctor (actually, my doctor was on her way to the airport that afternoon and leaving for vacation, so they called the doctor on-call, who then became the doc who delivered the little one) to see what she wanted to do. They did say that I was having regular contractions at about 4-5 minutes apart still, so I may have started early labor on my own.

The plan: Induce that day. Use some kind of mini balloon (never heard of it) to thin the cervix before giving pit.ocin.

I really did NOT want to be induced. But baby's safety was obviously my #1 priority and if she wasn't passing these tests, I wasn't going to mess around. They admitted me to the hospital at about 4:30 pm and we waited... and waited... and waited for the resident to come in with the balloon. FINALLY, about an hour and a half later, they come in to do the balloon.

And after MUCH digging around (OUCH), they decided it wasn't going to work. I wasn't dilated enough and they couldn't get it in. Wop wop.

New plan: Cerva.dil. Which is some kind of gel they stick up there and they let it thin the cervix / dilate more. They administered this stuff at 7 pm and said "okay, we'll take it out and check your cervix at 7 am. We'll hope to get to 4 cm by then." Twelve hours?!? At that point, Champ and I were thinking why not just let us go home for this part? Twelve hours, sheesh! But okay, if it's going to be twelve hours, maybe we can get some sleep in the hospital and what not.

By 9:30 pm, my contractions were very painful. And they kept getting worse and longer and worse and longer. By 11 pm, I was hyperventilating at every contraction. Doubled over, drooling, crying, etc. It was not my finest hour. The pain of those contractions introduced me to a new world of physical pain. It was absolutely crushing. I will never look at pain in the same way. Ever. By 12:30 am, I had another 6.5 hours to go of the most excruciating, world-shaking pain I could imagine. The nurse came in during a contraction and quickly decided to call the doctor because there was no way in hell I was going to make it all night without passing out.

The doc said to go ahead and pull the gel and check to see where I was - 4 cm! Thank God! That stuff worked doubly fast on me, which maybe explains the level of pain I was in. As soon as the nurse said "would you like an epidural now?" I practically screamed "YES!" Which is too bad, because I was hoping I'd be able to go au natural. But with the induction, there was just. no. way.

Part of me (pre-labor) had been afraid to get the epidural because of that absurdly long needle going into my spine. HA! I would have gladly gotten stuck with a 100 needles over feelung those contractions any more. So the epidural was in within about 10 minutes, the pit.ocin a half hour after that, and from then on out, it was smooth, smooth sailing, aside from a couple of low-blood pressure scares. I couldn't really lay on my back without almost fainting. So they kept me mostly on my side and I went from 4 cm to 8 cm between 1:30 am and 4 am. They broke my water at 4 am; we called the parents at 4:30 am and got to hang with them (and my siblings and their spouses) for a while. At about 6:15 am, it was time to push. You push during contractions and mine had slowed to 4 minutes apart again, so I had nice long breaks between pushing.

You know the rest: Little Miss Jo.die Be.lle was born at 7:46 am on Saturday. The cord was wrapped tight around her neck, which is why she kept failing those tests. Doc cut the cord very quickly and she was screaming her head off one second later.

I'll reflect more on the emotional side of things later, but my baby needs a boob right now.  Apologies in advance for the shoddy writing, this was written in a hurry. :) Love to you all and thanks for your amazing support through this journey.

She's Here!

We are in love. Head over heels.

Born Saturday, June 22 at 7:46 am, 8 lbs, 7 oz, 21 1/2" long. I'll write later with more details, but most importantly, she's here, she's absolutely perfect, and I've never felt like exploding with happiness like I do when I look at her tiny little face. 

39.5 Weeks - Nursery Reveal

I've decided to just be okay being a mediocre blogger for now. I will definitely post when baby girl is born (um, we are due on Friday... how did that happen?!?) and when I feel moved to write, but I've given up trying to maintain any regular schedule! 

Anyway, I'm doing well. My OB has had me start coming in twice a week to do some precautionary tests.  The tests have been fine, it's the fact that she has me coming in to do them that concerns me. I've been doing non-stress tests (i.e. belly is strapped with two belt things that are hooked up to a monitor that measures uterine activity and baby's heart rate) and more recently, ultrasounds to check my fluid levels. The doctor said she is just being extra cautious because I am technically "high risk" (news to me?) because of the Premature Ovarian Failure. Baby has been passing the tests fine, so I guess I'm glad to get the extra reassurance that everything is okay. Doc probably is concerned because I mentioned baby was hardly moving at all the week before last. Of course then I go in for the test and she throws herself a kicking party. 

Anyway. I'm ready for this little one to be born so I can meet her and hold her. I already can't believe how in love I am with this baby girl - there are moments when I think my heart is going to burst from being so genuinely happy and thankful that it's really happening. 

And aside from being emotionally prepared to meet her, we are all set for her to come home to a nursery that is officially FINISHED! Woohoo! I have some pics of course - unfortunately I just broke my real camera (damn leaky water bottle ruined everything!), so these are straight off my cell phone. I went with a loose "hot air balloon" theme and tried to keep things kind of soothing and soft and not too girly. Enjoy!

Since this picture was taken, we've moved the little framed hot air balloon pic from the right to a couple of shelves that are now flanking the window: 

I MADE that hot air balloon mobile. This should impress you much more than I'm guessing it is, because before a couple months ago, I couldn't even sew on a button!  

Some more homemades - the left pictures is a button shamrock thing my sis made for our shower (we're irish), the middle thing I made from an old frame that I painted coral and then attached chicken wire to the back with a staple gun, and the thing on the right (which is now on the shelf by the window) is a little hot air balloon art I made with scrapbook paper and a circle cutter. That piece is now replaced with a button & burlap hot air balloon artwork that I made: 

Those coral buttons? I PAINTED them coral because it's impossible to find coral buttons anywhere. 

Here's another view of the room: 

This one was pre-shelves as well, oops. Also, we hung that chalkboard on a wall you can't see from these pics. 

The chalkboard is now hung on the right hand wall in the above pic.  Think baby girl has enough headbands? My goodness!

The above angle is from a while ago, but I wanted to show off the little Ikea hanging toy basket thing. Love it! 

So I guess these pictures are kind of terrible / outdated / not consistent, etc. but hopefully they at least give you an idea of what the nursery looks like. I have to credit Craftiness is Not Optional (found via Pinterest) for most of the ideas I stole in this room. 

Next time you hear from me, I will (crossyourfingers) have a daughter! Best of luck to Belle at Scrambled Eggs and Ali at Not All Dreams Are Free, and anyone else due sometime soon.

35.5 Weeks

Hey peeps! I'm here! I'm alive! I'm 35 1/2 weeks pregnant!

I can't explain my lack of posting in the past, oh, 10 weeks, except to say that it's been a really busy 10 weeks. Work has had me teetering on the brink of insanity - it's just a really crazy time of year. Lots of nights and weekends recently. Lots of long days.

I know, excuses, excuses!

So how about a little update? In bullet form, for browsing purposes:

• Pregnancy Update: For the most part, feeling pretty good. Uncomfortable, yes. Strange pubic bone pain, yes. Exhausted easily, yes. Hemorrhoids, yes. But I am really trying to cherish these last few weeks of pregnancy. I think I'll actually miss it (some of it). 
• Bump: I'm continually told that I look "small" by basically everyone, ever, except my doctor. Doc says I am measuring spot on for my due date and I guess that's what matters. 
• Shield your eyes! Here's me at 35 weeks: 

• Baby Showers: Three baby showers down, zero to go. It is wholly humbling and amazing to see the outpouring of love and support for me, Champ, and Baby Girl. The showers were incredible - one thrown by Champ's sis & mom, one by my sis, aunt & mom, and one by my students / friends at work. Baby Girl is basically set. 
• Nursery: is adorable. I'll post pics when it's finished (getting close!), but we I went with a super light, airy blue for a base (rug & walls), with a touch of yellow and green and coral as a main accent color. There's also a very loose "Hot Air Balloon" theme that I mostly copied from pinterest. 
• Birthing Classes: Complete. I think I am an appropriate blend of excited and terrified. 
• Name: Has been determined. Haven't decided if I'll reveal on the blog or not. But we're in love. 
• Baby Girl: We went to a fancy ultrasound (which I sooooo wasn't going to do but have been having nightmares that Baby Girl turned out to be Baby Boy and had to wear all pink stuff and I also have an unnatural fear of the umbilical cord. I wanted to make sure that sucker was out-the-way.) Anyway, Baby Girl (yes, still girl) is a yoga master or something. Her foot was on her face almost the whole time. I think she tried to suck on her toe at one point. Weirdo! But seriously, she's perfect. 
• Maternity Leave: It all depends on when little miss bum ovaries decides to arrive. If she arrives on June 21 (due date), I'll take 10 weeks off full time and come back part time for four weeks before being back full time. Basically, I need to be back in the office on August 26, as that's when my replacement is out of there.

I can't think of anything else major and I'm meeting coworker for lunch so I gotta run. I'll be better about posting. Promise!

25 Weeks

I keep meaning to write, getting sidetracked, and forgetting to write. Another part of me is experiencing the proverbial "survivor's guilt" although I think it's much less "guilty" than just being kind of reluctant talk about my pregnancy to many people who are still trying to get pregnant.

I had lunch last weekend with an old friend of mine who I hadn't seen for about two years, right before Champ and I started trying to conceive. She was my roommate in grad school and a very dear friend, but we've lost touch over the years and so I hadn't told her about my recent battle with infertility. She knew I'm pregnant (and she is pregnant with her second, due a couple weeks before me) but not how hard it was to get here. I found myself telling her the whole story - of trying to conceive for a few months, the hot flashes, the lack of periods, getting diagnosed, and the downward spiral that followed.

It's the first time since being pregnant that I was able to tell my whole story with a presumed happy ending. Most people who I'm close enough to tell about my experiences with IF already know about my IF, and have for a long time.  It was very strange, to tell this story that I'm used to ending with a sad shrug or an explanation of all the things we still need to try. This time, after the "I'm so sorry you went through that" and what not, I pat my belly and said "well we have a miracle baby on our hands!"

I tell this story because I always want to remember that yes, this little girl in utero is a miracle. But also to realize how much IF affected me over the past two years. It changed me. It was torture, certainly, but I know I will be a better parent, a more sensitive friend, and a stronger person because of it. I would never say I'm glad I went through it - no, I still wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. But it would have been a heckuva lot easier to go through if I knew the outcome as I was going through it. How much time I spent in complete despair, how many buckets of tears I cried, how many hours spent googling, how many unwarranted outbursts... Of course, there was no way to know I'd be pregnant the next year. I could have just as easily never gotten pregnant. Ever. In fact, that would have been way, waaaaaaaay more likely.

I don't really have a point. Other than to say IF sucked. And I'll never forget that.

Okay. Bump pic time. I'll take a lesson from Belle at Scrambled eggs and give you a chance to jump ship before bump pics, so here's a pic first of my cat:

We're re-doing the floors in our Master Bedroom and Future Nursery, hence the bed in the dining room.

And now bump pics - a comparison of me at about 14 weeks and 24 weeks:

I've got another 15 weeks of growing? Oh boy. Also, my boobs? Huge.

Anyway. Long story short: I'm still alive. Baby Girl has been healthy and kicking like crazy. Heartburn started last week. I had no idea you could get heartburn in your back. You totally can. Miss you guys.